The Choices We Make

Today was the first day of daily swim lessons for two weeks for my boys.  Their ability to take care of themselves in the water is important to me, so when my friend Sarah said she was also doing lessons for her kids, I decided to join in with her.  They are semi-private lessons, held in Sarah's in-laws' backyard pool. It is a beautiful setting, with interesting multi-leveled decking and seating areas.  I spent the hour of lessons enjoying an iced mocha while chit-chatting with Sarah and the other moms.

I admitted to Sarah that, though I am 100% convinced that the swim lessons are important and worth the financial cost and the one hour in the car every day for two weeks, I wasn't looking forward to being out and about every day.  I have yet to spend one whole day at home since late May, and there is a price to pay for that.  Right now, the price is barely keeping up with laundry and dishes, having more less-than-average meals, or paying to eat out, feeling grouchy because I have to drag my slightly-bronchitis-y self out when I'd rather sit and rest, not being able to work on some creative projects in the queue, having less patience for interruptions and so on.

But, swim lessons are a choice I made, knowing there would be a cost.  So, I am trying to be content with the laundry being strewn all over the hallway today, toys not finding their way home, and sub-par meals.  This is a temporary situation, and to me, the benefit (little boys who can swim and know water-safety) outweighs the cost.

This got me thinking it's the same with bigger life issues.  We can choose what we do with our time, money, and energy.  Imagine that!  We get to be the boss of  our own life!  Seems like "busy" is the thing to say when asked how we are doing.  But... when people respond that way, there often seems to be a lack of insight into why our lives are like that.  It's as if we don't realize we have legitimate choices about how our time is spent.  My friend Sarah reminded me that a mother who stays at home with her children has made sacrifices, which might be financial, emotional, physical, etc.  Mothers who work outside the home also make sacrifices, it is just a different set of sacrifices.  Every choice has a cost, and when that cost proves to be worth the benefit, why do we complain?  I am not sure.

Many of us say that we want certain things in our lives to be more organized, especially related to our homes or schedules running more smoothly.  It is easy to be frustrated and overwhelmed with where to begin making changes.  Yet, perhaps there is an unawareness of the choices we make that lead us to chaotic lives?  Perhaps we are unaware that the choices we make translate to the amount of chaos in our lives. Seems most of us are too busy and don't know how to get out of the rat race of kids' sports, parties, school events, and church events.  If these things are very important to us, then the cost (whether its bad meals, chaotic home life, etc.) has to be worth it.  Otherwise, we wouldn't do it, right?  I don't know.  There is nothing inherently wrong with most of the activities available to families today, except for the excess of it all, and perhaps the reasons we are doing it.  Are we trying to make perfect little children by providing them with endless opportunities, activities, lessons, religious studies?  We really can't provide everything we possibly want for our families.  And if we try, that goal becomes something that, if you examine it, we worship.  Is that a worthy god?

Another friend of mine is almost never too busy for a visit with a friend, or to help someone with a project or to talk with her children.  She seems to have plenty of down time to read, or rest, or exercise, develop her inner self, cook tasty but simple meals, and all those things that practically every SAHM wants to achieve.  How does she do it?  I think she weighs the cost of what activities are available out there and usually decides that she and her family are better off foregoing them.  They rarely do sports or kids' lessons of  any kind.  She is not involved in Bible study after Bible study.  She does not have to cart her children to and from private school every day (they ride the bus to public school).  She does not scorn those things, or say that it is wrong to be a part of them.  But, listen, I will tell you, she is a wonderful woman who people are attracted to.  People crave to be like her and be with her because she welcomes them.  She makes them feel heard because she is not ready to rush off to the next event or next distraction.

Please let me be clear -- there is no condemnation from me if you are busy.  Or if you are overwhelmed and don't know how you got where you are.  I wonder if a first step is to list all the activities that you do in order to start looking at the choices you make.  This is a kind of cost-benefit analysis.  A second step, a deeper one, would be to take an honest look at why.

One other note, and this is very personal.  Having a simplified life or a well-organized life is a fine goal.  But it is not THE goal.  It is not THE answer for happiness or health.  I have found that the only goal worth pursuing with all resources is to love God.  I am only now realizing that I can be satisfied only in him.  I grew up with head-knowledge of this, but in the last year, God has whispered to my heart that all my striving and perfectionism and getting-it-all together was never going to satisfy me.  Only he would satisfy me.  This is a complicated topic, and I can't fully cover it here or  now, but please hear me when I say that simplicity is fine, but don't let it become your god, because it will never quench the thirst that I hope you have.