That certain life was one with pre-school aged children.
Tucker has been in school since August, but it is now clear.... my game is changing. School and its daily-ness and its requirements are changing me. I recognized a glimmer of this a few months ago.... I noticed how prepping the outfit, the breakfast, the snack, the backpack every night was taking forethought and time that I wasn't used to. I noticed how receiving the boy home, looking through the folders, preventing the tired-and-hungry meltdown, doing the daily reading, cleaning out the snack containers.... I wasn't used to that, either. And it also took time and forethought. But, it was okay and we all managed and time has moved on.
But now, today... I am feeling a bit locked in. Like a caged animal because... I noticed the school attendance policy. It wasn't what I thought it was. You mean, I can't pick up and go whenever I want anymore? But! But. But.
Is this what a desperate housewife feels like? Locked in to society's schedule and keeping everyone in the household moving with that schedule? Every day and every month for the rest of the school year? It might be.
I didn't realize that I was a free spirit. I have some free spirit qualities, like needing lots and lots of time in order for creativity to flow. But, sometimes it is hard to be spontaneous. So I assumed I was one of those scheduled people. But maybe not. Maybe that's why I write about how I run my house and life, because maybe it doesn't actually come naturally for me. I wasn't always the way I am now, I guess I had to learn to make my bed and use my calendar and notebook. Yes, I am a free spirit.
So, the caged free spirit is raging inside of me a little bit. Especially because Tucker had a three day weekend, which is now over, and it was lovely. I loved having him around. Calvin was much more content for having his brother to interact with. We did so much, yet it all unfolded without a plan or a time table. We read a lot of books. We watched some tv. We played outside. We made cookies. It was sort of a perfect and stereotypical few days with them. I guess the best part of it was that.... I love that I loved having him around. It made me happy that I wasn't overwhelmed by all the noises and questions and intensity of my sweet oldest child. Maybe I wouldn't feel so romantic about the whole thing after a week off from school, I don't know. But, tonight it's Sunday night and I am sad for Monday to come around.
Awwww....that was a sweet, tender post. I am sad for you.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I've noticed a lot of moms (myself included) of little ones thinking that those who homeschool are a little nuts for the pure reason of never getting a break from the kids. (Because, really, what parent of a 2-3 year old isn't in need of a mental time out?!)
ReplyDeleteBut then they get older. They get a bit sweeter and easier to get along with. They start school. There is physical distance and a few moments of quiet. And then...mamas miss their school kid and the idea of homeschooling actually sounds like a compelling option.
I already miss my boy with his three half-days of preschool - though he is still such a loud and energetic presence when he's home that I need the break. But I do think I will be sad as well to be locked into an institutionalized schedule that requires my boy out of the house for however many hours a day, and me to manage as much "home" work as he does. I can see it coming now. The homeschool fever...