Even Little Kids Can Help

A friend named Kathy had some good advice for some young mothers recently::  "Your job as mothers is to work yourself out of a job."

Amen.

I can't stop thinking about how this advice has implications for countless things in my parenting... from encouraging independence, to teaching life skills... from loosening control, to allowing my children to fail... from not coddling, to being patient with development that hasn't happened yet.

And there are implications in the daily burdens... like chores.  Ahhhhhh.  Could it be that a tiny measure of relief is in store for me as a mother and COO of my house?!  (Or as my dad would say, relief for the "chief cook and bottle washer." Nice.)

A few months ago, I posted how I wanted to copy Nester's organizational idea on making dishes accessible to kids so that they could contribute to dinner prep (setting the table) and clean up (loading and unloading dishwasher).  We did move the plates and bowls to a lower cabinet, but left glasses and coffee cups in an upper cabinet (mostly for adult convenience).   The kids help with the dishwasher at least once a day lately, some times more.  Calvin, the one-year-old, always wants to jump in to help Tucker, the five-year-old.  He will hand items one at a time to Tucker, or he even started putting silverware away on his own.

I didn't think to grab my camera for another recent dishwasher "helping," where Calvin started unloading a dirty dishwasher on his own.  He got as far as unloading two dirty bowls when I found him.  It was so sweet and innocent.  Oblivious of the strawberry slime coating the bowls, he had neatly stacked them in their home with the other bowls.  Which actually brings me to an exciting side note about my kitchen.  I got tired of this ::

So I did this  ::

And that's how Calvin unloaded dirty dishes into the cabinet.  :)

Anyhow, the kids are getting better and faster at unloading the dishwasher, though it takes for-eva.  But, I am excited at teaching the kids these things.  Anyone else on board with teaching kids new chores?  What is not to love about this?  And, for what its worth, I love Tucker's relative independence.... I figure if something terrible happened to me during the day, he'd do a pretty good job of feeding, clothing, and bathing himself and his brother.  He'd probably throw a load of laundry on, too.  Oh, and call 911.  He thinks he's pretty slick that he knows how to use my cell phone to call the authorities.

The Discipline of Rest

What do you do in your life that is a discipline?  Exercise?  Dieting?  Cleaning?  Being nice?  :)

What about the discipline of giving yourself a break?

As I sat with my friend Sarah again today during swim lessons, the topic of nap time relaxation came up.  We discussed our afternoon plans, which in our stay-at-home-mommy-world means our free time, aka nap time.  My one-year-old takes a 2 or 3 hour nap in the afternoon, and my five-year-old gets about 75 minutes in his room alone, with the door closed, while I do my own rest time.  For me, rest time could be reading, napping, talking on the phone, catching up on So You Think You Can Dance, blogging, sitting on the deck quietly, (bi-weekly) paying bills, or (rarely) cleaning.  Today, I read for half an hour, then pulled a pillow over my head and slept for about an hour.  Normally, I'd still be enjoying rest time, but today was a shorter 2 hour nap from the baby.   (So, Sarah, what did you end up doing today??)

Is all this lazy and indulgent?  (I  just need some bon bons here, right?  I did eat about 5 chocolate chip cookies today during rest time.)  But, it has been a conscious choice to not work myself to death during my one daily opportunity to be alone and rest.  This was a lesson passed along by a friend when my oldest son was a baby.  I remember she made me borrow the PBS "Pride and Prejudice" series because she loved it so much.  (Isn't it like 18 hours long?  Kidding, it's 300 minutes.)  I was mystified at when I would *ever* find time to watch it, because, as a mom of an infant, I was just too, too busy.  Well, that was dumb.  So, for a week, I put the show on during nap time.  From then on, I was hooked on resting at nap time.  

After doing this for years now, it seems silly to waste an opportunity to take care of myself.  The job of a SAHM never ends.  There will always be more laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, projects, etc. to do, and, at some point, I have to say "no, thank you" to myself and take a break.  I call this a discipline of rest because I am a leetle bit Type A.  Ish.  I usually am busy working, creating, whathaveyou.  I haven't always been able to just sit for a spell.  

Resting also makes a big difference in finishing my day.  I make the meals and do the dishes in my house, so when Dave is home from work and is technically "off duty,"  I am still on duty, cooking and subsequent cleaning up.  I could be resentful of doing my least favorite chore ever (dishes) alone, but I  often remind myself that Dave didn't get an opportunity to lay down or read or chill for 2 or 3 hours in the middle of the day.  (Wouldn't that be a treat, dear husband?  Now that you have a sweet new-actually-used Denali to fly around the quarry in, maybe we could hook you up with a neck pillow and some meditative music.  Eh?  Ehhhh?  You could find a nice spot in the woods for a siesta.  Sounds good, doesn't it?)  

Okay, gee whiz, this post is getting longer than I intended.  My real point was to share photos of my rest time nest.  I rearranged my living room a couple of months ago and since then I have developed a favorite spot on the sectional.  I get annoyed when anyone else sits in my spot because I love it so much.  It's cozy, I keep my favorite pillow and blanket there and the view of the TV is great.  

A few notes about my comfy corner  ::

• The large ikat-ish zig-zag-ish pillow is not a home dec pillow.  It is a euro pillow meant for the bedroom.  I wanted a large, but super sleep-able pillow for the sectional.  Most home dec pillows aren't that comfortable.
• The blanket was a gift from my brother and SIL.  It is ah-mazing.  It's like wrapping up in the softest sweater ever.  One side is baby-soft fleece and the other side resembles a cable-knit sweater.  
• When my five-year-old comes out of his room after rest time (I set an alarm that sounds like birds singing),. he knows that if I am asleep, he gets to watch TV.  I like to leave the remote in plain sight for him so I can catch a few more winks.  We love this arrangement.

And, as I snapped my photos, I took this one to show you how my kid enjoys his afternoon shows  ::

How do you spend nap time or any otherwise free time?   A good friend of mine has an at-home sewing business and she spends her nap times sewing.  That, too, is a discipline.  

Sheet into Pillow Case

After a bit of a heavy post yesterday, a quick note today to share a 5 minute project I did for my little Calvin's room today.  His room is very plain and simple, consisting mostly of leftovers from the house.  Not a problem, but I do want to spiff it up a little bit.   A super awesome nursery isn't a priority for me, but it is a fun creative outlet to think about how I want to decorate it so that it will grow up with him and give him memories later.  Dave has a few things and photos from his childhood room and it resonates on a deep level.

So, just for fun, I started a Pinterest board to collect ideas for Calvin's room.  Are you on Pinterest yet?  If so, look up In Decent Order and let's follow each other.  :)  You'll see that I have about 3 or 4 pins for his room, which consists of his crib that we already own, a small piece of artwork that is an inspiration for what I am going for, as well as an idea for some art work out of reclaimed materials.  I'd like to do all this on the cheap, and of course, keeping it simple.  His room doesn't need to be packed with clever and cute ideas.  Just a few thoughtful things.

I have not consistently had a pillow in his crib yet, though he has used one a few times.  I didn't have a pillow case to go with the vintage-y modern look that I want, so I ran down to the sewing room and zipped together a pillowcase out of a sheet that I previously cut up into a body pillow case.  It was easy... just took an existing pillow case to get approximate dimensions, cut out the square, then serged the two open seams into the pillow case.  (I saved the hem of the sheet to serve as the top hem of the pillow case, to cut down on the work.)

The photos below are cell phone shots, as are most of the photos I have posted lately.  It is hard to get motivated to get the nice camera out to take good photos for these little things.  If I ever do a house tour, I'll be sure to put up clearer, more nicely lit photos.  Its about DECENT, right?  Not awesome.  Ha.


Here is a view of the crib with the new pillow case in place.

And a close up of the fabric:

The Choices We Make

Today was the first day of daily swim lessons for two weeks for my boys.  Their ability to take care of themselves in the water is important to me, so when my friend Sarah said she was also doing lessons for her kids, I decided to join in with her.  They are semi-private lessons, held in Sarah's in-laws' backyard pool. It is a beautiful setting, with interesting multi-leveled decking and seating areas.  I spent the hour of lessons enjoying an iced mocha while chit-chatting with Sarah and the other moms.

I admitted to Sarah that, though I am 100% convinced that the swim lessons are important and worth the financial cost and the one hour in the car every day for two weeks, I wasn't looking forward to being out and about every day.  I have yet to spend one whole day at home since late May, and there is a price to pay for that.  Right now, the price is barely keeping up with laundry and dishes, having more less-than-average meals, or paying to eat out, feeling grouchy because I have to drag my slightly-bronchitis-y self out when I'd rather sit and rest, not being able to work on some creative projects in the queue, having less patience for interruptions and so on.

But, swim lessons are a choice I made, knowing there would be a cost.  So, I am trying to be content with the laundry being strewn all over the hallway today, toys not finding their way home, and sub-par meals.  This is a temporary situation, and to me, the benefit (little boys who can swim and know water-safety) outweighs the cost.

This got me thinking it's the same with bigger life issues.  We can choose what we do with our time, money, and energy.  Imagine that!  We get to be the boss of  our own life!  Seems like "busy" is the thing to say when asked how we are doing.  But... when people respond that way, there often seems to be a lack of insight into why our lives are like that.  It's as if we don't realize we have legitimate choices about how our time is spent.  My friend Sarah reminded me that a mother who stays at home with her children has made sacrifices, which might be financial, emotional, physical, etc.  Mothers who work outside the home also make sacrifices, it is just a different set of sacrifices.  Every choice has a cost, and when that cost proves to be worth the benefit, why do we complain?  I am not sure.

Many of us say that we want certain things in our lives to be more organized, especially related to our homes or schedules running more smoothly.  It is easy to be frustrated and overwhelmed with where to begin making changes.  Yet, perhaps there is an unawareness of the choices we make that lead us to chaotic lives?  Perhaps we are unaware that the choices we make translate to the amount of chaos in our lives. Seems most of us are too busy and don't know how to get out of the rat race of kids' sports, parties, school events, and church events.  If these things are very important to us, then the cost (whether its bad meals, chaotic home life, etc.) has to be worth it.  Otherwise, we wouldn't do it, right?  I don't know.  There is nothing inherently wrong with most of the activities available to families today, except for the excess of it all, and perhaps the reasons we are doing it.  Are we trying to make perfect little children by providing them with endless opportunities, activities, lessons, religious studies?  We really can't provide everything we possibly want for our families.  And if we try, that goal becomes something that, if you examine it, we worship.  Is that a worthy god?

Another friend of mine is almost never too busy for a visit with a friend, or to help someone with a project or to talk with her children.  She seems to have plenty of down time to read, or rest, or exercise, develop her inner self, cook tasty but simple meals, and all those things that practically every SAHM wants to achieve.  How does she do it?  I think she weighs the cost of what activities are available out there and usually decides that she and her family are better off foregoing them.  They rarely do sports or kids' lessons of  any kind.  She is not involved in Bible study after Bible study.  She does not have to cart her children to and from private school every day (they ride the bus to public school).  She does not scorn those things, or say that it is wrong to be a part of them.  But, listen, I will tell you, she is a wonderful woman who people are attracted to.  People crave to be like her and be with her because she welcomes them.  She makes them feel heard because she is not ready to rush off to the next event or next distraction.

Please let me be clear -- there is no condemnation from me if you are busy.  Or if you are overwhelmed and don't know how you got where you are.  I wonder if a first step is to list all the activities that you do in order to start looking at the choices you make.  This is a kind of cost-benefit analysis.  A second step, a deeper one, would be to take an honest look at why.

One other note, and this is very personal.  Having a simplified life or a well-organized life is a fine goal.  But it is not THE goal.  It is not THE answer for happiness or health.  I have found that the only goal worth pursuing with all resources is to love God.  I am only now realizing that I can be satisfied only in him.  I grew up with head-knowledge of this, but in the last year, God has whispered to my heart that all my striving and perfectionism and getting-it-all together was never going to satisfy me.  Only he would satisfy me.  This is a complicated topic, and I can't fully cover it here or  now, but please hear me when I say that simplicity is fine, but don't let it become your god, because it will never quench the thirst that I hope you have.

Landscape Plan

It's Friday, Friday!  Gotta get down on Friday!  

Anybody with me?!  No?  You're too cool to rock some Friday action here on IDO?  Ha, guess I'm good with being the lone dork.  (And btw, this video was the best I could do, since the original was pulled off youtube.)

Fine, I'll forget about Friday for a moment and get down to bidness.  We are waiting on one last touch to our new deck construction and then I'll share photos, but for now I wanted to share some different "decor" out there.  But first, the back story....

Now that we have a pretty place to sit or entertain outside (the deck), it became clear that our backyard was a little trashy.  There are elements that are fine, but everything was so exposed and harsh.  And looked like you could easily have a barefoot half-nakey baby, clad only in their diaper, sort of wandering through the yard looking confused, with some shmear of chocolate or mud across his face.  I mean that would, like, NEVER actually happen here, but the yard looks like it could easily welcome that sort of thing.  Seriously, a half-nakey, dirty baby never happens at my house.   After all, we are blog-perfect.

Anyhow, the back yard contains a fire pit, 2 raised garden beds, a playscape, a sandbox and the woods.  As much as I wanted it nicely landscaped  to make everything cohesive, charming, inviting, and beautiful, it was not a financial priority to pay thousands of dollars to have it done.  But, I figured I could do a lot of the physical labor myself, so I hired a landscape designer to come measure, plan and draw out a master plan for me to work off in the months (years?) to come.  I have no intention of making the design happen quickly, and I am fine with it unfolding over a period of time.  Though I hope to do a lot of the work myself, there are a couple of industrious young men in the neighborhood who are willing to come help me out as needed for a few bucks.  Actually, they have already helped me and I am enjoying getting to know more neighbors.  

So, now for the decor part.  I took the master drawing of the landscape plan, had it laminated and wanted it to be somewhere that will be easy to reference.  The drawing now has a new home on the deck, stuck to the siding with 3M poster strips.  See the strips in the first photo?  There are four strips there now, but I didn't think to take a photo til already started hanging the poster.  

The design is so beautiful that it is its own art work out there.  It is interesting to look at, and even the lettering and outlines of each plant are attractive.

See the big circle with spokes on the left side of the drawing?  That is an existing willow tree on the property, which is probably my favorite plant that was already in place. 

The design has another part to it, which is the key to each plant.  Every plant has a number and the plants are all listed out so I know exactly what to look for and purchase.  I am keeping a copy of that on the deck, as well as in my car, in case I ever have time to stop a nursery unexpectedly.  

It was well worth it to hire out a plan like this.  The designer knows what she is doing!  It would have taken months/years/never for me to research and come up with something that wouldn't even be half as good.  She knows the soil here (crappy clay and rocks), she easily assessed light conditions (turns out the back yard is significantly shadier than I thought), and took slope and water control into consideration.  For example, there is a trashy looking ditch that we had to dig through the yard to divert water from the house in case of a big rain event like we had last year when our basement flooded.  We literally had a small river flowing into the basement from the back yard and would prefer not to deal with that again.  Well, our designer took one look at it and suggested a dry creek bed, which would not only be functional when it rains hard, but would look better and not be the tripping hazard as it is now.  Genius!  

So far, I have worked on one portion of the plan.  Looking at the design, if you see the large rectangles at the top, that represents the new deck and the back of the house.  There are 11 plants in front of the deck, 6 azeleas and 5 endless summer hydrangeas.  This is where my neighborhood hired help came in handy... the guys dug my holes (through some old concrete in places) using picks and shovels (misery!) and helped me get the plants that I picked up the day before into the ground.  

Note :

• There's the willow I love so much.  The breeze makes it move beautifully.
• I put a soaker hose on the new plantings until they get established.
• I purchased the smallest pots available because it was cheaper than huge pots... I am fine with it taking awhile for the azaleas and hydrangeas to get big.
• The new plants are mostly in the shade, though they get about an hour of direct sun around 1:00 after the sun moves beyond the tree line of the woods and before it moves behind the deck roof.  These are shade loving plants, so we will see how they do with that little bit of sun.  
• Dave built a french drain to also help with water control, which is covered by pebbles behind the plants.

***Update***
My landscape designer is Sarah Thelen and her business name is Southern Native Landscape Design, located in the Birmingham, AL, area.  I think she's awesome, which is why I blogged about the design (she didn't ask me to or even know about it until after I posted and asked if I could put her info online).  Check out her facebook page.

Northern Hospitality

It was deeply meaningful to be on the receiving end of endless hospitality for our recent big trip up to "The North."  For the record, no one except southerners refer to the north as "The North."  Cracks me up.  "The North."  

Anyhow, I have friends all over the northeast and I wanted to share how every person who I infringed upon welcomed us into their homes (and camper) without hesitation.   Everyone's flavor of hospitality was different, but one thing they had in common was that it seemed to not be a problem to host us.  (In the case of my D.C. friends, they hosted us during the day, but we spent the nights in a hotel, to minimize chaos while they were preparing for their move to Europe.)  I am sure it wasn't actually convenient for everyone, but again, there was never a hesitation.  In one home, we took over  the hostess's bedroom for three days.  There was hardly room for her to be able to maneuver her clothes out of the closet, with a pack-n-play and a mattress for Tucker on the floor.  It couldn't have been convenient, but it just didn't matter.  In another home, we stayed in my friend's one-room Manhattan apartment for a night.  Talk about no room to move with the extra bedding all over the place.  Yet, she invited us to extend our stay, even after living through that one night!   Her invitation was sincere and she was so flexible that I know it would have been great.  It is inspiring to me. I would like to be just naturally hospitable, not like forced, like I am "trying" to be more hospitable. 

I came up with a fancy little visual to show where we went.   To get this visual aid, I learned how to take a screen shot, alter it slightly and then put it in the blog.  Yippee.  In fact, you can see on my screen shot where I had to google "how to take a screen shot."  Niiiice.  No one has accused me of being a tech nerd.  It would be nice if I could do more, but hey, one step at a  time, right?!

A few photos of our adventures  ::

We made it to D.C. after a 12.5 hour drive, split over two days.  While there, I took my kids to the botanical garden, along with my friends' oldest two children.  This photo is when the kids realized it was raining inside.  It was a spectacular place to visit.

Another shot from the botanical garden, in the childrens' garden area.  What a neat playhouse!  It was covered in succulants.

Below is a self-portrait taken during this outing with four kiddos.  Thankfully, two of them (ages 1 and 4) were locked into the stroller for much of the afternoon.  The two walkers, i.e. the big kids (ages 6 and 5) were exhausted by the time we headed to our car.  They kept sitting down at all the cross walks to rest.

My friends and their neighbors set up an outdoor movie one night.  What fun people they are!

While in the D.C. area, I had a short visit with a sweet friend from high school, Kelly.  We have known each other since we were fourteen years old and had perms.  In fact, her mother gave me more than one perm, back in the day.  Anyhow,  I was excited to get to see Kelly's newborn son, only a month old.

On to Allentown, where we were treated to a lovely private concert in my friends' apartment.  How lucky are their neighbors when they rehearse?!

Melissa had a little roadie to help set up.

Tucker is now asking for lessons after being able to noodle around on this digital piano.  Yes!

My long-time friends loved on my kids for three days.

They also took us to Dorney Park, which was one of several serious highlights of the whole trip.  I actually had fun, too.  You know how you do stuff for your kids that they will like but its really not that fun for you?  Like, all the time?  Well, this was super fun for me too.  Because I was with several other adults, there were lots of hands and eyes for the kids, so my friend sent me off to ride some water slides and I even rode a roller coaster on our way out of the park.  I felt like I was 20 years old.  We had the best time!

Now, up to the Poconos to see the grandparents.

We got to see bald eagles and their nest from this shelter.  Grandma had a great time making sure the baby didn't crash off the bench, like he kept trying to do.

Calvin found a dead bug in said shelter.

Tucker, later stumbling upon same said bug.

I love jumping photos.

CB trying to learn how to jump.  It ended up being a little step off instead.  And, hey, I discovered the white balance button on my camera!

It was freezing in the Poconos (whereas Allentown was relentlessly hot, just the day before), so I had to buy sweatshirts for the kids.  My mother-in-law helped me shop in several camp stores to find them.  We pretty much had to take what we would get.  Tucker's was fine.

CB's sweatshirt, however, was funny, though.  So tacky that it's kind of awesome.  In case you can't see it very well, it is a bear dipping into a bee hive for honey.  I think the bees are attacking the bear.

I just love this shot of my father-in-law, aka Bucka.  He was telling a great story.

This one is funny, too.  I love a camp fire.  Bucka, apparently, wants to kill the fire.

Now, leaving PA, we made our way to upstate New York :



My friend Aimee and I went to Panera for bagels, like old times when I used to live up there.  Isn't her little boy cute? And she is so fierce in her aviators.

My kids, with Aimee's kids.  This was about the best we could do with Calvin.

Is it bad that I think this is funny?

Things didn't improve with a group shot at my friend Lori's house.

Oh man, I cannot stop laughing when I see these!

Leaving Albany, we head down to New York City, to meet up with my sweet Alabama friend, Jenna.  She is up there for the summer with her super cute actor/model son.  Personally, I think she should do some auditions, too!

Our boys were enamored by the sounds of the subway.  "Don't mind us, folks.  Weeee're from Ala-BAMA!!!!"

We took the kids on two outings, one to the park and then a big outing to the Empire State Building.  Jenna, seriously, you are so FAB.

Jacob, you are so dang cute!

This cell-phone shot was taken during breakfast after spending the night in Jenna's studio.  Gotta make do with what you have, no?!  Imagine the pack-n-play on the other side of the bed, flanked by a loveseat.  I mean it when I say Jenna was incredibly flexible to let us take over her space.

That's it.  What a long, photo-heavy post.   But, it was a long, lovely trip and I am glad I got to share it with you here.

Outdoor Cushion Problem

Our new covered deck is nearly complete and I have been looking for new cushions to replace the nasty 10-year-old cushions that came with our outdoor furniture set.

Nasty, no joke.  Sun-bleached, rust-stained, squished-up yuck.  They survived many harsh New York winters and two extremely harsh Alabama summers.  They probably should have been replaced a year or two ago.

First, I bought some seat cushions at Pier One, as well as a throw pillow at Home Goods.  But, it wasn't to be.  The seat cushion would constantly fall out through the back of the chair (I didn't realize this when I bought them) because there were no ties.  Also, once I got the pillows home, I realized the throw was too small and I wasn't going to like maintaining yet more pillows.  I mean, I love pillows and all, but so do my kids and they move them all over the house to make forts or landing pads for launching their bodies into.  So, four more loose pillows meant many, many opportunities for me to tidy up.  No, thank you.

The Pier One seat bottoms had been on sale for $24, which I thought was a decent price.  But, adding a $15 throw pillow to each seat meant that my total was over $150.  Not that good of a price.  So, I will return them (they are currently in bags, sitting on my deck).

But, while at Target yesterday on a different mission, I swung by  the cushion area and found something more ideal.  It was a one-piece seat and back cushion, with ties, on clearance.  The fabric is ultra stain resistant and the color would hide stains anyhow (hello, black and brown, the color of grubby little boy hands).  (Total side note... anyone from my past would know I have achieved decor growth since I can now tolerate brown at all, much less mix it with black.  Hurrah for loosening  up.  Ha!)

I got to cutting off  the tags and, while I was at it, cut the labels off, too.  I have a thing against tags.  I cut them off of stuffed animals, blankets, etc.  They look messy.  (Note in the top photo, though, I had never bothered to cut those tags off the cushions.  I have no idea why I lived with them like that for 10 years.)

What is left is a small sliver of tag material, but it is practically inconsequential, because once the cushions are in place, they become hard to notice.

See, not that big of a deal.  You wouldn't notice them except that now I've told you and you're going to look for them next time we have dinner on the deck.

I had actually been dreading the hunt to find something that would work, but this turned out to not be that hard, with only one missfire there with the first set of cushions and pillows. I am satisfied with my less than $80 solution... no pillows to straighten, less messes to worry about and the fit is great.  (The photo below is deceptive... the camera must have been at a weird angle... a lot of the bottom of the chair looks exposed, but in real life, the cushion is very close to flush with the front edge.  There aren't actually two or three inches of exposed metal.)

There is part of me that wishes it was a lighter color, though, if I am to be honest.  Aesthetically, an off-white or even a light tan cushion would be so pretty.  There is a LOT of black and brown going on this deck, but I plan to accessorize with lighter colors on surfaces that won't be as much in the line of fire when it comes to messes.  This is what it means to me to have some decent order in the house.... everything might not be totally perfect, but if it functions well and is mostly pleasing to the eye, I am good with that.  Otherwise, I would have a very impractical home.